I'm actually glad to be heading back to Oklahoma today. "Welcome to the Gates of Hell", my friend said as she dropped me off at the airport where I'd begin my journey back to OKC. Well, if hell awaits me, then bring that shit on. I have evolved- or perhaps declined- to the point of openly welcoming the loneliness, anger, pain and worry that make up my life in the strange land where I make my home. My first few days back in OKC are gonna hurt, and I can't fucking wait. Bring me the agony.
____________________________
In a couple more generations, we're all going to be girls. The breakdown of Manhood is THAT complete. We won't even be Women, because Men and Women cannot exist in the absence of one another. We'll all just be girls- obsessed with clothes, pop culture, and designer sunglasses.
It's happening.
______________________________
I didn't have a childhood- I had a case history. I had no elders, no real role models to speak of. Who I am today is something I myself had to forge through fire and pain and blood- only some of it my own.
_______________________________
Social networking sites have made everyone into a pseudo-celebrity. The Facebook Famous, reporting the oh-so-glamorous minutae of their typical suburbanite wage-slave lives. "OMG we got so drunk lololol", they proclaim- adding nothing to the collective human intellect but certainly not taking much away from it, either.
Please surrender your brains. You've violated the Terms of Service.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
From Olympia, With Love
I've been here in Olympia, Washington for about 5 days now, and it's been great. First of all, the shop I'm working at (Inklife Tattoo) is incredible. I've often felt like a square peg in a round hole at a lot of shops where I've worked; I've often felt I didn't fit in, usually because of the weak, bullshit approach to life and business that those people had. With this crew, I just automatically clicked with everybody and really genuinely enjoy spending time around them. And the money is there. So that's good.
But of course more importantly- at least to me- it's great to be home. I grew up here, in Washington. As soon as I landed on the flight from OKC to Seattle, I could feel the change. The air is different here, full of possibilities and ideas and new life. Walking outside becomes a reawakening. Every tree I see is like an old friend I haven't seen in years, it's all so familiar yet at the same time it's fresh to me and I have a new found appreciation for this place that I didn't really have when I lived here before. Like, I didn't really realize what I had until I lost it.
It's strange, too, what Washington does for my attitude. I'm friendlier here. I am in my element; I want to be nice to people, I want to speak to strangers, I honestly enjoy looking people in the eye and smiling at them here. In Oklahoma, I endure others. Here, I see them as potential allies.
The earth seems more fertile here than it does in Oklahoma. It seems ripe and lush. I tell everyone who will listen, Oklahoma is not my homeland. Oklahoma is where Cherokee people were sent to die. We surprised everyone by not only surviving, but thriving. Oklahoma is not my home. My home is anywhere and nowhere. I view the house I live in as little more than a tent- just a temporary spot to put my stuff.
I sometimes wonder if I would be better served by just compartmentalizing portions of my life, storing them away in the back of my mind like boxes in a closet- unseen, nearly forgotten, ignored. My day-to-day life in Oklahoma seems easier if I can force myself to disregard the strong feelings I have for this place. It's almost like longing after a dead relative or an ex-wife you know will never come back to you. You're better off if you can just forget about it.
Soon my time here will draw to a close, and I'll head down to Portland for a few days before somehow flying out of here- I haven't yet bought my ticket back to OKC. I hope to visit my family's camp in the woods, and reconnect with some very important key pieces of myself there, before returning to Oklahoma. I assume that once I return, I'll be back to my usual hateful, arrogant, boastful, prideful self. Enjoy your time with Nice Frank while it lasts.
But of course more importantly- at least to me- it's great to be home. I grew up here, in Washington. As soon as I landed on the flight from OKC to Seattle, I could feel the change. The air is different here, full of possibilities and ideas and new life. Walking outside becomes a reawakening. Every tree I see is like an old friend I haven't seen in years, it's all so familiar yet at the same time it's fresh to me and I have a new found appreciation for this place that I didn't really have when I lived here before. Like, I didn't really realize what I had until I lost it.
It's strange, too, what Washington does for my attitude. I'm friendlier here. I am in my element; I want to be nice to people, I want to speak to strangers, I honestly enjoy looking people in the eye and smiling at them here. In Oklahoma, I endure others. Here, I see them as potential allies.
The earth seems more fertile here than it does in Oklahoma. It seems ripe and lush. I tell everyone who will listen, Oklahoma is not my homeland. Oklahoma is where Cherokee people were sent to die. We surprised everyone by not only surviving, but thriving. Oklahoma is not my home. My home is anywhere and nowhere. I view the house I live in as little more than a tent- just a temporary spot to put my stuff.
I sometimes wonder if I would be better served by just compartmentalizing portions of my life, storing them away in the back of my mind like boxes in a closet- unseen, nearly forgotten, ignored. My day-to-day life in Oklahoma seems easier if I can force myself to disregard the strong feelings I have for this place. It's almost like longing after a dead relative or an ex-wife you know will never come back to you. You're better off if you can just forget about it.
Soon my time here will draw to a close, and I'll head down to Portland for a few days before somehow flying out of here- I haven't yet bought my ticket back to OKC. I hope to visit my family's camp in the woods, and reconnect with some very important key pieces of myself there, before returning to Oklahoma. I assume that once I return, I'll be back to my usual hateful, arrogant, boastful, prideful self. Enjoy your time with Nice Frank while it lasts.
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